A Life of Worship

I opened the services this morning with this video. I've become less and less of a video guy during church service over the years, but I loved the point it brought home....

grace and peace,

Matt

New Records, Songwriting, Vulnerability, and Life Lessons

Recently, I have felt a lift in my songwriting block. I've had a writing block for sometime now...

I don't ever talk about this part of my life, because to be honest, it's one of the most vulnerable things to me. Writing your heart down on paper, then recording it. What if I change the way I feel in 10 years? 10 months? 10 minutes? or Why do I even write and feel the need to record in the first place? These are questions and thoughts that constantly go through my mind. God has blessed me to be able to write...It doesn't mean the songs or melodies are any good :-), but the fact that I can write and make melodies is a blessing; That the Creator allows the created to create is humbling to say the least...I'm blessed that some of my songs have cause people to worship, feel encouraged, or to think differently about God.

Over the last 6 to 7 years I've been blessed to write with several different artists...from female to male artists and from Christian to mainstream pop music. But, the more I have written with other artists over the years, the more I have chosen to not focus on my own personal writing. Well, I think that season has changed. Some of you know I recorded my first worship record in 2005. A long story, as short as possible...for that record, "Needed Confession" I was given a large sum of money to make a debut record that most artists would dream of. I took the money with the idea that I was going to pursue traveling full time on the road and have the ability to pay the money back as a label backed artist. During the mixing of the record, I felt the Lord tell me that my role was in the local church...this was a hard one for me, but I listened. I stop talking with labels and friends who had connections in Nashville and just prayed the record would sell as an independent.

Flash forward 5 years into the future. Adrienne and I are still unfortunately making monthly payments on that first record. Ouch, I know. It has been an incredible lesson. A painful one. Now that I produce and engineer records, I could probably make the same record for about half of what we spent....the point is though, that God is always teaching us. He is so good. So faithful. I had to learn some very hard lessons about life with my first record that I might not have learned any other way.

With these new songs a few themes have come into focus recently. I'm not sure when, but in the next few months or years (probably years) I will be collecting songs for 2 new records. One record will be my 2nd worship record. Themes about God's faithfulness through pain and songs about the great story of life and redemption He is telling through us.....And the other record will be kind of different for me. This will be a "side project" for a lack of a better word. This record is already shaping as I have written 3 songs this last few weeks. The themes are my dad's death (never written about), a broken but hopeful marriage, loss, and hope. This 2nd record will not be a "worship" record. Obviously, I believe that EVERYTHING I am and do is a reflection of my worship of God, but this will not be a congregational worship record. This will be a record about pain and suffering.

In my last paragraph, I would ask you to pray. My conviction is to not record another record of my own until my debt is paid on the first record, but this is difficult for me. I want to move forward with my new vision for my art, but feel a wall in front of me. Also, pray for the vision of these next few records. Adrienne and I believe our monthly finances have been taken care of through our amazing community where I serve, so we believe that the profit from all records I sell should go to others. My vision is to partner with a couple of non-profits and that EVERY penny would go to support those in need. I would basically represent these organizations and when people would buy my record, they would get info on what their 10 dollars just went to support (food for the hungry, charity water, etc.)...Pray for wisdom on what organizations to partner with. Pray for wisdom on if that means I need to seek becoming a non-profit and all that entails. Ok, I need to be done writing now. Sorry for the long post. It's been a while since I've blogged and it felt good. Thank you.

Thank you to those who actually read all the way down. :-)

grace and peace,

Matt

She just might be a Hippie

Today marks my first day of cloth diapers....YIKES!
I make my own baby food, have a 10 month old that is still nursing and we are now cloth diapering our cute baby bottom. I just might be......

Lately

It has been up and down lately with Ryland....and I have heard that is just how it is with a two-year old. Speech delay or no speech delay. Interestingly enough we have a really bad week last week. I realized that when we had run out of juice and I was just too tired to drag two kids to the store, I instead gave him very watered down Kool-Aid. He calls it "da's juice" since that is what it is...Daddy's juice. After a few days of the Kool-Aid I realized it might be affecting him. He was terribly clingy and unhappy and very whiney. Both of his therapist commented on the change. They said it reminded them of what he was like before he started therapy, which of course just freaked me out, until I realized the diet change. Kool-Aid has white sugar and it has red food dye. My little guy (and girl actually) are so sensitive to what is in their stomach. The Kool-Aid was stopped on Wednesday and when he woke up on Sunday morning....He was my little guy again.
At least 10 times every day I worry that he will never learn to talk. At least 10 times a day I worry that he will never be in a normal classroom. At least 10 times a day I worry that he has a more severe developmental delay then we realize...and then I pray. I pray, I pray, I pray. I love my little guy. I will love him even if he ends up being labeled. I love him.
Tonight he did the most amazing thing. Matt and I were sitting at the kitchen table and Ryland looked at us and pointed at Matt and said "Dada" and pointed and me and said "ma" then went back to Matt then back to me. He did this 4 or 5 times. He was so proud of himself that he was able to point out who was who and be able to verbally tell us that he knew. Of course, I cried through the whole thing. Again, I love him.

Absent

I've been gone for a while...I don't think I've blogged in a few months. Not much new other than God's grace every morning.....below is my attempt at an update or random facts from the last few months.

Update:

-praying for and giving to Haiti

-listening to William Fitzsimmons pretty much non stop (for the last year)

-love Adrienne more today than last time I blogged

-love my kids ALOT

-the church is the only institution God promises to bless

-Jesus and His church are sure things, and that's about it

-reading is my 3rd favorite thing

-I don't day dream about moving to another city any more

-the church has to BE the mission of God

-when not listening to William Fitzsimmons, I'm listening to other sad folk music

-I love pizza ALOT (not as much as my kids, but ALOT)

-I'm wiser today at 30 than I was at 29 and pretty sure this pattern will continue

-God freaking loves me and He freaking loves you, so talk to Him

-beer is proof God loves us. :)

-I like music

-I have fallen in love all over again with reading the scriptures.

-I miss my brother

-I miss my sister

-I miss my mom

-I miss my dad (Sept 13th, 1999)

-even though I don't day dream about moving anymore, I still think about New York ALOT

-I've learned that character is way more important than reputation

-even my closest friends and I have a hard time getting together on a regular basis, which is sad

-I want to be a good dad. somedays I am, and somedays I'm not

well, that's it for now. I know those thoughts were random, but it was good for me to get them out.

grace and peace,

matt

Some Christmas Pictures :-)

Therapy

What Ryland and I do every week now :-)
I shared earlier that Ryland was assessed after his second birthday because he was not speaking very much. It was determined that he had a severe speech and social delay. The speech made sense and I was not shocked to hear because my two year old said about 8 to 10 words and not very consistently.
Every week Ryland, London and I get a visit from Tori, our developmental specialist and Cara our speech therapist. We have had three weeks of appointments now and Ryland has added about 8-10 more words and now says two words together. He started saying "no da" when dad is not around and today he actually said "dump truck." Socially, Ryland has started to interact with me a lot more. There is a lot of smiling and eye contact in our play and we spend much more time in our day playing interactive games together where we both have to be involved. With other children it still takes him awhile to warm up and want to be involved with other children. He is still very content playing by himself which also might be a sign just how our little guy likes to play. He does not ignore the other children like they don't exist. He sees them, smiles at them, sometimes babbles but just loves to do his own thing.
We are also being more consistent with play dates with children closer to his age who can talk....so let me know if you want to play!!!